I have always wanted to return to work after Sophie's born, I liked working, I liked being able to offer what I have in my brain, I like the life style, I like wearing my business outfits and high heels, and feel important. Steve always wanted me to be a stay home mom, and I do like the idea, but I just can't seem to give up my work. We debated back and forth so many times, and one day he just said, " you are not allowed to work". But I kept on resisting him about returning to work. It was just a constant battle for the past couple weeks. I even found a day care for Sophie... and I HATED it!! I am not gonna go into the details of what I saw and felt at the day care, but I want to raise my little girl. I don't want someone else get to see all of her firsts, and sent me a text/pic. I want to BE THERE.
I came home after visiting the daycare facility, I was rocking Sophie to sleep in her room. I just feel like shit. Tears streaming down my face, and I kept on saying " Sophie, I am very sorry that I have to sent you to a day care.: Every time I thought about her in those stupid cribs at the daycare, I became even more emotional. Even though the daycare director said the student/teacher ratio is 1/4, I just can't imagine when Sophie is crying, and no one is picking her up because they might be short staffed. They don't know if she just wanted to be held, if she is sick, or hungry. They can't possibly know what each baby needs to the detail.
Needless to say, I made the best decision. Steve knows how to break my well protected too-independent-whatever-that is of me. He grab my shoulder and made me looked into his eyes, he asked me " Do you really want to work? Or would you like to stay home with Sophie?" More tears came out of my eyes, I said, " home, with Sophie." He said, " Then stop worrying about anything else, we'll make it work."
I am so glad that I have a husband who supports me, and able to let me stay home with our baby. I went back to my office to take of some last things, did my exit interview, and realized that a lot of women does not have the privilege of being a stay-home-mom. How lucky and bless I am to have this privilege to stay home with my baby?!!!
Then again, how can you leave this baby at a day care??
Isn't she so cute? I can always work later, but I won't have a "later" of Sophie. I want to be there for everything. I brought her into this world, I will take good care of her, and not put her in a day care. She's mine to love, to snuggle, to hug, to comfort, and anything else she needs me to do. I have found myself another lover, I can't imaging my life without her.
And thanks so my hard working hubby, thank you for bringing home the dough.