Monday, February 21, 2011

Best Decision

If you grew up in a family like mine, you'd mostly likely to become super independent with good work ethics. Since my parents didn't have much, anything I want, I'll have to work and save up for it. I don't remember a day without having a job since the age of 12... It was very hard for me to say goodbye to a company that I loved working for, and the people that I respect and loved working with.

I have always wanted to return to work after Sophie's born, I liked working, I liked being able to offer what I have in my brain, I like the life style, I like wearing my business outfits and high heels, and feel important. Steve always wanted me to be a stay home mom, and I do like the idea, but I just can't seem to give up my work. We debated back and forth so many times, and one day he just said, " you are not allowed to work". But I kept on resisting him about returning to work. It was just a constant battle for the past couple weeks. I even found a day care for Sophie... and I HATED it!! I am not gonna go into the details of what I saw and felt at the day care, but I want to raise my little girl. I don't want someone else get to see all of her firsts, and sent me a text/pic. I want to BE THERE.

I came home after visiting the daycare facility, I was rocking Sophie to sleep in her room. I just feel like shit. Tears streaming down my face, and I kept on saying " Sophie, I am very sorry that I have to sent you to a day care.: Every time I thought about her in those stupid cribs at the daycare, I became even more emotional. Even though the daycare director said the student/teacher ratio is 1/4, I just can't imagine when Sophie is crying, and no one is picking her up because they might be short staffed. They don't know if she just wanted to be held, if she is sick, or hungry. They can't possibly know what each baby needs to the detail.

Needless to say, I made the best decision. Steve knows how to break my well protected too-independent-whatever-that is of me. He grab my shoulder and made me looked into his eyes, he asked me " Do you really want to work? Or would you like to stay home with Sophie?" More tears came out of my eyes, I said, " home, with Sophie." He said, " Then stop worrying about anything else, we'll make it work."

I am so glad that I have a husband who supports me, and able to let me stay home with our baby. I went back to my office to take of some last things, did my exit interview, and realized that a lot of women does not have the privilege of being a stay-home-mom. How lucky and bless I am to have this privilege to stay home with my baby?!!!

Then again, how can you leave this baby at a day care??

Isn't she so cute? I can always work later, but I won't have a "later" of Sophie. I want to be there for everything. I brought her into this world, I will take good care of her, and not put her in a day care. She's mine to love, to snuggle, to hug, to comfort, and anything else she needs me to do. I have found myself another lover, I can't imaging my life without her. 

And thanks so my hard working hubby, thank you for bringing home the dough.


Marie Whetten said...

I'm so glad you get to stay home with your beautiful baby girl! I hope I get to hang out with you two a lot before you move away. :)

Jenna and Daniel said...

I am so excited for you Jenn! You will love some days, and have a rough go of it some days for sure, but you have made a great decision. Just remember the feelings you got that made you want to stay home, and don't forget them. Money and other things will come to you as you have faith! I promise. This is coming from someone who is living this life. Good luck.

Stefanie said...

That is the best decision for sure! I am so glad that you get to stay home and raise sweet baby sophie. It has been such a blessing to be able to stay at home with Chloe and I know that it is truly our divine calling as women to raise our children. Yes there will be challenging days, and days you wish you could get out and be with adults, but it is so rewarding watching your children learn and grow! And there will always be time to work once they are gone, but they grow sooo fast you don't want to miss it!

Josh and Christina Tidwell said...

You Go Girl! I love Sophie she is a dream:)

Sassy Sarah said...

So sweet! I couldn't imagine leaving that adorable baby either. She is SO precious! :)

Marci said...

Hey sweet Jenn,
You are such a sweetheart. You are a grear wife and a super mom. Steve was raised with a stay at home mom. There is nothing more important in this world than your children. Many times I thought about going back to work, but my children were too important. No one cares for them more than their mothers. Some days you may question your decision, but I promise is well worth it in the end. I'm so glad Sophie gets you full time. I love you both. Marci